behind mello's blue eyes
by black-hearted-sakura
Summary: Based of Limp bizkit's song; behind blue eyes. From where Mello leaves the orphanage, to his death  note: rather short, my apologies for that


_no one knows what it's like,  
>to be the bad man,<br>to be the sad man,  
>behind blue eyes<em>

* * *

><p>Mello walked the dusty hall at the dead of night.<p>

careless of the peering eyes from the other children that decided to stay up late, as he murmured to himself about an Albino, his title, his friends, _his life_. No one knew who Mihael Kheel truly was; he was either an emotional wreck, or a criminal in disguise of a 14 year old child.

His head hung low as he walked through that hall, it would be the last time he would walk through here. He said goodbye to Rodger, left a note beside Matt with a phone so they will always keep in contact. He was leaving his home because of one person. Near.

* * *

><p><em>and no one knows what it's like,<br>to be hated,  
>to be faded,<br>to telling only lies_

* * *

><p>Memories of him with the other kids flashed through his mind, he was hated by the other kids because he was so rough, and he faded away when he was close to Near.<p>

One night he snapped, and cried himself to sleep. Matt was beside him the whole time. When Mello woke up, Matt was awake next to him. His gloved arm around Mello's waist. He was calm and staring at his face, those emerald eyes that sparkled when they weren't covered by his goggles.

After a moment or two of sweet silence, the strawberry blonde asked if he was okay. In response he told him he was just tired and fussy from exams.

A lie towards his best and only friend. Then again, he seemed to be doing that a lot now. nothing but lies were told.

* * *

><p><em>but my dre-e-eams,<br>they arn't as empty,  
>as my concious seems to be.<br>i have hours,  
>only lonely<br>my love is vengence.  
><em>_That's never free_

* * *

><p>He shook his head as the rain drained all his happiness.<p>

He said and ment what he was going to do, he was going to show Near who's title he belong in. He was going to solve the Kira case, just like L did.

L. The single letter that can mean a thousand words. He was the solution to everything. his dreams weren't reality, but they were bound to be someday... he was going to do it!

For hours he was alone by himself, love never came first. Ever. Love would lead to vengence, his father went in that direction, and look where he is now? six feet under with a rock above his head. Vangence never solved anything... did it?

It was always the race to mello, the competition. He was always put behind him, and it's not something to be proud of.

* * *

><p><em>No one knows what its like<br>To feel these feelings  
>Like i do, and i blame you!i_

* * *

><p>For hours he was alone, studying until he could no longer keep his eyes open. He blamed it all on one person. Near. That stupid albino sheep. Nate River, why was it always you?<p>

all those times of tears, the sleepless nights, cries of pain and all that effort wasted. For a single man which he hated so much. Why couldn't he just disapear? It would be so much easier.

The rain blew harder as he walked down the street and alongside the path, a few heads poked out windows to see the last of the blonde. 'screw them' he though, his head still down.

'I've only been used by them, in time they will realise that they were used too'

* * *

><p><em>No one bites back as hard<br>On their anger  
>None of my pain and woe<br>Can show through/i_

* * *

><p>He bit his tounge as the orphanage ran out of view, no words could describe his frustration.<p>

A place to stay, money, food, clothing. Where was he ment to get it all? Even number two couldn't figure this out. 'Money is he awnser to everything, isn' it?' he asked himself in his greedy mind.

His hand slipping out of his pocket to reach a pure chocolate bar, wraped in a silver foil. He sat between a bunch of buildings where the rain was blocked off. Two men aproached him, he didn't care. That will matter later.

* * *

><p><em>but my dre-e-eams,<br>they arn't as empty,  
>as my concious seems to be.<br>i have hours,  
>only lonely<br>my love is vengence.  
><em>_That's never free/i_

* * *

><p>Four years later, he found a place where he could stay. Two days ago, that place was blown up by his own doings.<p>

He lay on a metal framed bed on his right side. Blood soaked between the sheet and a stinging pain emerged from his face. His thoughts were empty, death was closer. He could taste it.

Or perhaps that was just the blood?

More hours passed as thoughts ran throughout his head, an empty space still cratered around, and drove him to a silent cry. They knew his name, now if they catch a glimp of his face, he was done for. 'iwhy me, why now?/i'

Why. Was the only thing to think off. Why?

* * *

><p><em>No one knows what its like<br>To be mistreated, to be defeated  
>Behind blue eyes<em>

* * *

><p>Matt sat in the corner, watching his only friend fall to pieces. He tried everything to make him happy, the endless choclates, the new clothes. but that was the old mello. this one needs something more...<p>

"Mello"

Mello turned to face his friend, When he left, Matt called almost emediently the next morning. He never left his side, even though Mello left his. Tears fell like rain, never has he felt so weak.

"M-Matt?"

Matt was at his side within 3 seconds, his arm around the frail blonde as he tried to releave him from his fears.

"All this fear... nghh... no one knows you better than me... Matt..." at this point a small hiccup showing that he was almost finished crying emerged from his thin lips.

"They know my name... i'm done for... i have no more chances... but what i don't understand... is why you're still with me... when i can fall..." Mello's face screwed as he whispered the next part, and more tears fell.

"I can fall... at any moment"

Matt held the blonde like a child who has scraped their knee, a broken smile on his face as he took off his goggles, loosely hanging them around his neck.

"Mello, i'll never leave you, if you never doubt me. I'd die a million deaths to get you to safety, your my only friend, i hope you have a bit of faith in me"

Shock hit Mello like a tidal wave. "But you... i don't want to see you die..."

"Mello, i meant what i said, and i can't die that easily!" A true friendly smile played on his lips.

* * *

><p><em>No one knows how to say<br>That they're sorry and don't worry  
>I'm not telling lies<em>

* * *

><p>But on January 26th, Matt died one million deaths for his friend. His only friend watched him lie there helplessly on the ground, his blood covering the car and floor.<p>

"Matt, i never wanted to get you killed" Tears built like a wall in his eyes. "I'm sorry, i truely am"

The checkpoint was in view for dear mello, he knew what Matt would say in a time like this...

i"Mello, you'll ruin that pretty face of yours if you cry~ take a stand for yourself you silly goose~!"/i then he would flash his signature smile, then hug him.

"Matt, i'm not lying this time... nghh... I'm sorry"

* * *

><p><em>but my dre-e-eams,<br>they arn't as empty,  
>as my concious seems to be.<em>

* * *

><p>Takada sat in the back listening to her kidnapper cry about his friends death. "Even the bravest of men, have thier soft spots..."<p>

A piece of paper was in her hand, she knows that mello saw it, but didn't do anything. Perhaps he wants to die? that this was just a death wish...

No, he wouldn't of dragged his friend into it, then kill him...

she picked up the small pencil she managed to get, then wrote his name down.

"Mi..hael...khee-ee-ll" she muttered while empty minded.

"Fourty seconds"

* * *

><p><em>i have hours,<br>only lonely  
>my love is vengence.<br>__That's never free_

* * *

><p>Those last forty seconds felt like hours. Mello was by himself when a sudden pain emerged from his chest. By himself, without Matt, the pain felt 50 times more powerful than usual.<p>

His new love for Matt was vengeance. But that wouldn't come cheap... His own life was the bill...

A wrench then came through the window as Takada tried to come in. Her own brown eyes meeting with his.

"Mello... Mihael Kheel..." she paused to let her mind go through.

_"why?"_

* * *

><p><em>No one knows what its like<br>To be the bad man, to be the sad man  
>Behind blue eyes.i_

* * *

><p>Mello laughed a little on the inside and thought about an answer. Not long ago he has that exact question on his mind. Why. That single word that had everyone at their end. Why hate him? Why kill Matt? Why near instead of him? Why couldn't he be L? Why kidnap Takada?<p>

...Why...?

A single response came from his lips as he laid his head on the driver's wheel and got out his cell phone.

_"No one knows what it's like... to be the bad man... to be the sad man... behind blue eyes..."_

The phone was then given to Takada as his life went through a single flash of white...

_'Matt, L, are you there? Are you waiting for me? Please, I'm coming to be with you'_

He thought to himself as his spirit held up a hand. Then another hand curled around his own.

Matt's voice was running through his own. Mello's head lifted to see that same signature smile from his friend...

_'I'm here Mello'_

**man, i suck at story writing**_**too **_**much for someone's mental health XD**

**If anyone is reading this, thanks~**

**And i don't own Mello or Matt (oh god, i wish i did though~), takada or the song this is based off.**

**(song: Behind blue eyes- limp bizkit (?))**


End file.
